Dying Matters Week - The way we talk about Dying Matters

The way we talk about Dying Matters

Taking place from 6-12 May 2024, Dying Matters Awareness Week is an opportunity for people to talk about death, dying, grief, loss and bereavement.

Coping with the death of someone close can be difficult, there is no normal or right way to feel following bereavement and most people find themselves feeling a whole range of emotions. There may be times when it is tough to make sense of those feelings, but friends and family are often all the support we need. Sometimes, however, it can be helpful to talk to someone outside of this network, to someone who isn’t involved like the bereavement team at St Margaret’s.

The Supportive Care Services team consider it a great privilege to care for St Margaret’s patients and support their families and those close to them - not only during their illness, but also into the future, and this is where the Bereavement Support Team comes in.

With no prescribed playbook for how to navigate bereavement, St Margaret’s Bereavement Support Team can offer the opportunity to talk on the phone; or, if a little more is needed, to offer face-to-face, or online support with one of the team. The team also offers group support where relatives and carers share their experiences gaining invaluable support from each other.

St Margaret’s dedicated Bereavement Team has compiled the following suggestions to help support a person navigate the various stages of grief.

First Weeks

Maintaining support after the funeral can be important as often it can feel that once the funeral has taken place that others move on with their day-to-day lives and of course everything has changed for the bereaved person and day-to-day life has completely changed. Sometimes it can be the basics that are helpful, helping with the school run, picking up some shopping, prepping some food, running the hoover around house. Helping with simple tasks that can sometimes feel overwhelming for someone in the initial stages of grief, can be a huge help.

Offering to help in practical ways, such as making a meal, baking a cake, helping with chores, taking the kids to the park, can also be hugely beneficial.
Check in on the bereaved person often, by text, phone, WhatsApp, FaceTime, whatever your preferred method of contact is.
Importantly, let your loved one, friend, neighbour, or colleague know you are there to listen, listening can help a person feel validated and less alone.

First Months

Acknowledging that grief doesn’t end, and you are still there to support and listen can be reassuring. Continue contact by text, phone, WhatsApp, FaceTime, or popping a thoughtful card through the letterbox also helps the bereaved person feel less alone.

Anniversaries

Remembering significant dates is helpful, the bereaved person will remember and feel less isolated if others remember too. Ask what you can do to help, maybe inviting them out for coffee or a meal, spend time together, be there even if only to watch TV together, company is often missed particularly if the bereaved person now
lives alone.

Always remember that it’s OK to laugh and it’s always OK to cry and that life can feel less tough when shared.

Profile Bereavement Service coordinators

St Margaret's Bereavement Service is managed by Jacqui and Stephanie who are both qualified counsellors and supervisors who have many years' experience in supporting people following their bereavement of one of our patients. The team they manage consists of trained bereavement support workers, counsellors in training, and qualified counsellors.

Prior to engaging in therapy, those seeking support receive a call from either Jacqui or Stephanie to discuss their level of need and the support is then allocated in line with the NICE guidelines for bereavement care. This support can comprise of telephone support, face-to-face support or counselling depending upon the complexity of the personal situation of the person requesting support.

Telephone support is appropriate for those in the early days/months of their grief process, face-to-face support is for those bereaved less than 6 months for whom telephone support might not be the best option for their situation, and counselling is for those bereaved post 6 months and or are experiencing a complex or complicated grief reaction.

Our advice would be that

It’s beneficial to understand that folk can think that grief shrinks or becomes less significant over time but what actually happens is that a person learns to carry their grief differently and their life grows around their grief as illustrated in the diagram.

St Margaret’s Hospice has a number of online resources which are listed below to help people to plan for the future and help them to talk more openly about death, dying and bereavement.